Added: Azalia Olin - Date: 11.04.2022 06:09 - Views: 41785 - Clicks: 5517
By Natasha Buffo dirtandtears. One word elicits tingles, the other brings tension. In all areas of life, especially with sexuality, we are trained to seek pleasure and avoid communication. What this le to is okay I want adventure sex. Or worse, bad sex. How do we solve this horrifying dilemma? First, throw generalizations out the window. Just as we all choose different outdoor activities, we are beautifully unique in our preferred sexual activities.
Not weird, or different, or abnormal, but beautifully unique. Second, we need to talk about those preferences. We flaunt the value of individuality and fight gender norms in most areas of life. Yet, in the bedroom, we let stereotypes take over. The generalizations of who should have a higher libido can breed negative self-worth and bottled up feelings, for all parties. What we need to understand is that readiness for sex looks and feels different to each unique individual. Kris Roudebush, a d Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in serving the LGBTQ community, explains that instead of focusing on a level of desire, we need to focus on a type of sexual desire.
Lower sexual desire, she said, can correspond with responsive desire, and a higher level with spontaneous desire. The generalization around libido leaves you screwed not in a good way when you and your partner are not perfectly aligned. You can overcome this by verbalizing the specifics to your partner of when and how you get excited, and then ask for them to share in return.
Accept and explore those differences. Just as there is a spectrum of how we get excited about sex, there is also a magical rainbow of sexual acts. We boast about our hobbies on social media, on s, and when outside, instantly bonding with others engaged in shared and socially acceptable activities. Yet when it comes to sex, we keep it locked up tight, never to be discussed.
The result is dull, repetitive, unimaginative sex. This is unacceptable. We deserve to experience exciting sex! What if we treated sex I want adventure sex any adventure—where we find ourselves open, curious, and exploratory, solo, or with a partner? For example, say you have never gone camping before or you never tried analbut your partner is a backpacker and loves it. You would like to explore this world because backpacking is definitely next level campingbut you are nervous for many good reasons. Communicate both those feelings—that you are nervous and want to explore, and that you need to take it slow.
Start with car camping, sleeping on an air mattress with pillows and a duvet. Start with just the tip of a finger, applying pressure to just the opening of the anus. After, when you are back home or are not naked in bedboth of you share what you liked and what you did not like.
Be honest with one another. Repeat for other activities you or your partner are curious about. Communicating about our unique sexual identities is challenging because of one feeling—shame. Sex and shame go hand in hand, and layers can run deep. Trauma from an unwanted sexual act is hidden even deeper and for longer, and unfortunately is also a shared experience.
The problem is that we rarely talk about these areas of shame. We need to present these topics not as a hopeless negative trait, but as a normal part of the human experience. Still, with all this exploration and acknowledgment, we can get stuck. With a lifetime of generalizations, bottling up our I want adventure sex, and shame, we need help from experts. Fortunately, help is out there. Most of us never received a proper education on the individuality of sex or how to talk about it. Now is the time. We take lessons to learn how to ski, we attend weekend-long mountain biking clinics, and we watch videos to build a bed platform in a van or truck.
Yet when it comes to sex, we must maintain a persona of being as skilled as an Olympic athlete, without the years of obsessive practice, or being coached by an expert. Sex can be amazing and to get there, it takes effort and assistance. Even with the challenge, every adventurer knows that feeling at the top of a pass, a pitch, or at the base of the single track.
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